A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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