I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
