He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
