you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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