Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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