I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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