It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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