I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
