wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
