I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
