Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
