so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
