I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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