Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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