I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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