Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
