Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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