next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
