so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
