She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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