I just pynch a tree in the face
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
