walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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