everyone is single if you try hard enough
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
