Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
