what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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