I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
