he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
