You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
