so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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