How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
