clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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