Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
