you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
