You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
