Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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