And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
is it fun? or sober?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
