Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
