ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
