I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
