how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
