first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
