there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
