biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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