And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
