She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
