he shaved USA in his pubs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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