glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
