she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
