Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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