just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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