oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
