if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
