I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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