____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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