she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
