Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
