How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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