Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
