It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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