Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
