Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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