What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
