I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
