I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize