Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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