we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
