JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
