If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize