I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
