the condom got lost in my hair
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
