I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
