Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
