so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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