Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
