she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
