everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
